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(Don't Look Now, 1973)

 

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(Herv Villechaize, ³­ÀåÀÌ ¹è¿ì)
(Fantasy Island, TV½Ã¸®Áî)

 

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After I killed them. I dropped the gun in the Thames

 

washed the residue off me hands

in the bathroom of a Burger King

 

and walked home to await instructions.

 

Shortly thereafter the instructions came through.

 

"Get the fuck out of London youse dumb fucks.

 

"Get to Bruges."

 

I didn't even know where Bruges fucking was.

 

It's in Belgium.

 

- Bruges is a shithole. - Bruges is not a shithole.

 

Bruges is a shithole.

 

Ray we've only just got off the fucking train.

 

Could we reserve judgment on Bruges

until we've seen the fucking place?

 

I know it's gonna be a shithole.

 

Shithole.

 

I think you have a couple of rooms

booked under Cranham and Blakely?

 

Yes. No we have one room booked.

 

One twin room. Booked for two weeks.

 

Two weeks!

 

Do you have another room?

 

No I'm afraid we're fully booked.

 

With Christmas everywhere is fully booked.

 

Okay.

 

It's very pretty.

 

I'm not being funny we can't stay here.

 

We've got to stay here until he rings.

 

Well what if he doesn't ring for two weeks?

 

Then we stay here for two weeks.

 

For two weeks? In fucking Bruges?

In a room like this?

 

With you? No way!

 

Ray I really don't like to say this...

 

You really don't like to say what?

 

Well... You know?

 

Fucking bring that up.

 

Do you think this is good?

 

Do I think what's good?

 

You know going round in a boat looking at stuff.

 

Yes I do.

 

It's called "sightseeing."

 

Oh look at that.

 

It's a former hospital. From the 1100s.

 

Bruges is the most well- preserved medieval town

in the whole of Belgium apparently.

 

- Coming up? - What's up there?

 

The view.

 

The view of what? The view of down here?

I can see that from down here.

 

Ray you're about the worst...

tourist in the whole world.

 

Ken I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin.

 

If I'd grown up on a farm and was retarded

Bruges might impress me.

 

But I didn't so it doesn't.

 

Trying to get rid of me coins.

 

3 3.50 4

 

4.10 4.20 4.30 4.40 4.50 4.60

 

4.70

 

4.80

 

4.90.

 

Will you take 4.90?

 

Entry is 5 euro.

 

Come on man it's only 10 cents.

 

Entry is 5 euro.

 

Happy in your work?

 

Very happy.

 

I like it here.

 

Been to the top of the tower?

 

Yeah. Yeah it's rubbish.

 

It is? The guidebook says it's a "must- see".

 

Well you lot ain't going up there.

 

Pardon me? Why?

 

I mean it's all windy stairs. I'm not being funny.

 

What exactly are you trying to say?

 

What exactly am I trying to say?

 

Youse are a bunch of fucking elephants!

 

Right you...

 

Come on leave it fatty.

 

You know you're just the rudest man. The rudest man!

 

What's all that about?

 

They're not going up there.

 

Hey guys I wouldn't go up there. It's really narrow.

 

Screw you motherfucker!

 

Americans isn't it?

 

Now this is more like it. Proper holidays.

 

One gay beer for my gay friend

 

and one normal beer for me because I am normal.

 

This is the life.

 

We're not staying here getting pissed.

 

We are quietly sightseeing like he says

 

and awaiting his call to see what we do next.

 

This is my vote on what we should do.

 

We give it another day two days max.

 

Then we check the papers again

and if there's still nothing in them

 

we phone him and say

"Harry thank you for the trip to Bruges

 

"it's been very nice all the old buildings and that

 

"but we're coming back to London now

and hide out in a proper country

"where it isn't all just fucking chocolates."

 

My vote would be we quietly sightsee like he says

 

and await his call to see what we do next.

 

You don't even know we're here hiding out.

 

What are you talking about?

You don't even know we're not here on a job.

 

- What on a job? - Yeah.

 

- Here in Bruges? - Yeah.

 

- Here in Bruges on a job? - Yeah.

 

Why? What did he actually say?

 

He didn't actually say anything.

Then why do you think it might be?

I don't think anything.

 

But it's a bit fucking over- elaborate isn't it?

 

"Go take him to hide out."

"Go take him to hide out where?"

 

"Go take him to hide out in fucking Bruges."

 

You can hide out in Croydon.

 

Hmm.

 

Or Coventry.

 

Hmm.

 

It is a bit over- elaborate.

 

Hmm.

 

But we haven't got any guns.

 

Harry can get guns anywhere.

 

He's not gonna ring tonight.

 

He's not gonna ring tonight.

 

Let's go out.

 

- Go out where? - The pub.

 

No!

 

Let's go out and have a look at some of the...

 

All the old medieval buildings and that.

 

Because I bet they look...

even better at night all lit up.

 

Yes!

 

That there is called the Gruuthuse Museum.

 

They all have funny names don't they?

 

Yes Flemish.

 

In here it says "The Belgians twice sheltered

"fugitive English Kings from being murdered

"1471 and 1651."

 

I used to hate history didn't you?

 

It's all just a load of stuff...

that's already happened.

 

What are they doing over there?

 

They're filming something. They're filming midgets!

 

Ray!

 

So on this scene you're supposed to walk

like a little tiny mouse yeah?

 

Okay? Great.

 

Ray come on let's go.

 

My arse "Let's go." They're filming midgets.

 

Oh my God! Look at that girl.

 

She's gorgeous!

 

Ray we're going right now.

 

Fuck off are we!

 

This is the best bit of Bruges so far.

 

You and your buildings.

 

Hello.

 

- Do you speak English? - No.

 

Yes you do. Everybody does.

 

What are you filming midgets for?

 

It's a Dutch movie. It's a dream sequence.

 

It's a pastiche of Nicholas Roeg's Don't Look Now.

 

Not a pastiche but a...

 

A "homage" is too strong. A "nod of the head"?

 

Wow your English is very good.

 

A lot of midgets tend to kill themselves.

 

A disproportionate amount.

 

Herve Villechaize of Fantasy Island.

 

I think somebody off The Time Bandits.

 

I suppose they must get really sad about like

 

being really little and that.

 

People looking at them and laughing at them.

 

Calling them names. You know "shortarse."

 

There's another famous midget

I'm missing but I can't remember.

 

It's not the R2- D2 man. No he's still going.

 

I hope your midget doesn't kill himself.

Your dream sequence will be fucked.

 

He doesn't like being called a midget.

He prefers "dwarf."

Well this is exactly my point!

 

People go around calling you a midget

when you want to be called a dwarf.

 

Of course you're gonna blow your head off!

 

- My name's Ray. What's yours? - Chloe.

 

How did you get past the security man?

 

Getting past security men it's sort of my job.

You're a shoplifter?

 

No not a shoplifter.

 

It's a good joke though.

 

No.

 

I'll tell you what I am at dinner tomorrow night.

 

Fuck.

 

How fucking cool.

 

Mr. Blakely?

Yes. No Mr. Cranham. No. Yes. Mr. Blakely. Yes.

 

You have a message.

 

Shit!

 

Number one

why aren't you in when I fucking told you to be in?

Number two

why doesn't this hotel have...

phones with fucking voicemail

and not I have to leave messages...

with the fucking receptionist?

 

Number three you better fucking be in tomorrow night

when I fucking call again

or there'll be fucking Hell to pay

I'm fucking telling you. Harry.

 

I'm not the receptionist

I'm the co- owner with my husband Patrice Marice

 

Would you turn the fucking light off!

 

Sorry Ken.

 

Keep the fucking noise down!

 

Someone's in a mood.

 

You'll never guess what.

 

Will you shut your fucking mouth...

please and go to sleep?

Oh sorry.

 

Except I've gotta take me contact lenses out.

 

Altogether

 

I had

 

five pints of beer and six bottles.

 

No. Six pints of beer and seven bottles.

 

And you know what? I'm not even pissed!

 

You'll never guess what Ken.

 

- Ken you'll never guess what. - What?

 

Got a date for tomorrow night.

 

I'm very happy for you.

 

With a girl.

 

Can you turn the light off please?

 

Only been in Bruges one day

got a date with a girl in the film business

 

the Belgian film business.

 

They're doing a film about a midget.

 

Miss?

 

Marie?

 

Sorry about the message last night.

The man who left it is a bit of a...

 

Well he's a bit of a...

 

Cock?

 

Yes. He's a bit of a cock.

 

Morning.

 

Harry called last night.

 

We missed him.

 

Jeez he swears a lot doesn't he?

 

We're staying in tonight. Whatever happens.

 

Hmm.

 

Except...

 

- Hmm. - Hmm.

 

Except "hmm" what?

 

Except only one of us needs to stay in really.

 

Uh- huh.

 

And which one of us would that be now Ray?

 

I thought you didn't like Bruges.

I don't like Bruges it's a shithole.

 

But I did already say...

I had a date with a Belgian lady

 

in the Belgian film business...

which I did already say about before.

 

Just don't get into any fucking trouble.

 

We're keeping a low profile.

 

And this morning and this afternoon

 

we are doing what I want to do.

 

- Got it? - Of course.

 

Which I presume will involve culture.

 

Oh we shall strike a balance...

between culture and fun.

Somehow I believe Ken

that the balance shall tip in the favor of culture.

 

Like a big fat fucking retarded fucking black girl

 

on a seesaw opposite

 

a dwarf.

 

Ray did we or did we not agree

 

that if I let you go on your date tonight

we'd do the things I wanted to do today?

 

We are doing the things that you wanted to do today.

 

And that we'd do them without...

you throwing a fucking moody

 

like some 5- year- old who's dropped all his sweets?

 

I didn't agree to that.

 

I'll cheer up. I'll cheer up.

 

Up there the top altar is a phial

 

brought back by a Flemish knight

from the Crusades in the Holy Land.

 

And that phial do you know...

what it's said to contain?

 

No what's it said to contain?

 

It's said to contain some...

drops of Jesus Christ's blood.

 

Yeah that's how this church got its name.

Basilica of the Holy Blood.

 

Yeah. Yeah.

 

And this blood right though it's dried blood

 

at different times over many years

they say it turned back into liquid.

 

Turned back into liquid from dried blood.

 

At various times of great

 

stress.

 

- Yeah? - Yeah.

 

So yeah I'm gonna go up in the queue and touch it

which is what you do.

 

- Yeah? - Yeah. You coming?

 

Do I have to?

 

Do you have to? Of course you don't have to.

 

It's Jesus' fucking blood isn't it?

Of course you don't fucking have to!

 

Of course you don't fucking have to!

 

You little fucking cunt.

 

Murder Father.

 

Why did you murder someone Raymond?

 

For money Father.

 

For money?

 

You murdered someone for money?

 

Yes Father.

 

Not out of anger not out of nothing. For money.

 

Who did you murder for money Raymond?

 

You Father.

 

I'm sorry?

 

I said you Father. What are you deaf?

 

Harry Waters says hello.

 

The little boy.

 

Being moody Being bad at matchs Being sad

 

I quite like this one.

 

All the rest were rubbish by spastics

but this one's quite good.

 

What's that all about then?

 

- It's Judgment Day you know? - Oh yeah.

 

What's that then?

 

Well it's you know the final day on Earth.

 

When mankind will be judged for all the crimes

they've committed and that.

 

And see who gets into Heaven and...

who gets into Hell and all that?

 

Yeah.

 

And what's the other place?

 

Purgatory.

 

Purgatory?

 

Purgatory's kind of like the in- betweeny one.

 

You weren't really shit...

but you weren't all that great either.

 

Like Tottenham.

 

Do you believe in all that stuff Ken?

 

About Tottenham?

 

The Last Judgment and the afterlife.

 

Guilt and sins and

 

Hell and all that?

 

Um...

 

Well...

 

I don't know Ray. I don't know what I believe.

 

The things you're taught as a child

they never really leave you do they?

 

So like I believe in trying to lead a good life.

 

Like if there's an old lady...

carrying her shopping home

 

I don't try and help her carry...

her shopping I don't go that far

 

but I'll certainly hold the door...

open for her and that

and let her go out before me.

 

Yeah. And anyway if you tried...

to help her carry her shopping

 

she'd probably think you were...

just trying to nick her shopping.

 

- Exactly. - This is the world we live in today.

At the same time as trying to lead a good life

 

I have to reconcile myself with the fact that

yes I have killed people.

 

Not many people.

Most of them were not very nice people.

 

Apart from one person.

 

Who's that?

 

This fellow Danny Aliband's brother.

 

He was just trying to protect his brother.

Like you or I would.

 

He was just a lollipop man.

 

He came at me with a bottle. What are you gonna do?

 

I shot him down.

 

Hmm.

 

In my book though...

sorry someone comes at you with a bottle

 

that is a deadly weapon...

he's gotta take the consequences.

 

I know that in my heart.

 

I also know that he was just

trying to protect his brother you know?

 

I know. But a bottle that can kill you.

 

It's a case of it's you or him.

 

If he'd come at you with his...

bare hands that'd be different.

 

That wouldn't have been fair.

 

Well technically your...

bare hands can kill somebody too.

 

They can be deadly weapons too.

I mean what if he knew karate say?

 

You said he was a lollipop man.

 

He was a lollipop man.

 

What's a lollipop man doing knowing fucking karate?

 

I'm just saying.

 

- How old was he? - About 50.

 

What's a 50- year- old lollipop man...

doing knowing fucking karate?

 

What was he a Chinese lollipop man?

 

Jesus Ken I'm trying to talk about...

 

I know what you're trying to talk about.

 

I killed a little boy.

You keep bringing up fucking lollipop men!

 

You didn't mean to kill a little boy.

 

I know I didn't mean to.

 

But because of the choices

I made and the course that I put into action

 

a little boy isn't here anymore.

 

And he'll never be here again.

 

I mean here in the world not here in Belgium.

 

Well he'll never be here in Belgium either will he?

 

I mean he might have wanted to...

come here when he got older.

 

I don't know why.

 

And that's all because of me.

 

He's dead because of me.

 

And I'm trying to...

 

I'm trying to get me head around it but I can't.

 

I will always have killed that little boy.

 

That ain't ever going away. Ever.

 

Unless...

 

Maybe I go away.

 

Don't even think like that.

 

You look good.

 

What's it matter anyway?

 

So what do you do Raymond?

 

I shoot people for money.

 

What kinds of people?

 

Priests. Children. You know the usual.

 

Is there a lot of money to be...

made in that line of business?

 

There is in priests. There isn't in children.

 

So what is it you do Chloe?

 

I sell cocaine and heroin to Belgian film crews.

 

Do you?

 

Do I look like I do?

 

You do actually.

 

Do I look like I shoot people?

 

No.

 

Just children.

 

Mmm- hmm.

 

I saw your midget today.

Little prick didn't even say hello.

 

Well he's on a lot of ketamine.

 

What's that?

 

Horse tranquilizer.

 

A horse tranquilizer?

 

- Where'd he get that? - I sold it to him.

 

You can't sell horse tranquilizers to a midget!

 

This movie I think it's gonna be a very good one.

 

There's never been a classic...

movie made in Bruges until now.

 

Of course there hasn't it's a shithole.

 

Bruges is my hometown Ray.

 

Well it's still a shithole.

 

It's not a shithole.

 

What? Even midgets have to take drugs to stick it.

 

Okay.

 

So you've insulted my hometown.

 

You're doing very well Raymond.

 

Why don't you tell me some...

Belgian jokes while you're at it?

 

I don't know any Belgian jokes.

 

And if I did I think...

I'd have the good sense not to...

 

Hey hang on. Is Belgium

where there were all those...

child abuse murders lately?

 

Then I do know a Belgian joke.

 

What's Belgium famous for?

 

Chocolates and child abuse.

 

And they only invented the...

chocolates to get to the kids.

 

What?

 

One of the girls they murdered was a friend of mine.

 

I'm sorry Chloe.

 

One of the girls they...

murdered wasn't a friend of mine.

 

I just wanted to make you feel bad.

 

And it worked. Quite well.

 

Fucking unbelievable.

 

What's fucking unbelievable?

 

Are you talking to me?

 

He pauses even though he should just hit the cunt.

 

And he repeats.

 

Yes I am talking to you.

What's fucking unbelievable?

 

Well I'll tell you...

what's fucking unbelievable shall I?

 

Blowing cigarette smoke straight into myself

and my girlfriend's face.

 

That's fucking unbelievable!

 

This is the smoking section.

I don't care if it's the smoking section.

 

All right? She directed it right in my face man.

 

I don't wanna die just because...

of your fucking arrogance.

Uh- huh. Isn't that what the Vietnamese used to say?

 

Vietnamese?

What are you talking about the Vietnamese?

 

That statement makes no fucking sense at all.

 

Yes it does. The Vietnamese!

 

Well saying it over and over

ain't gonna make any more sense out of it.

 

How does the Vietnmese have any relevance whatsoever

 

to myself and my girlfriend having to breathe

 

your friend's cigarette smoke?

 

Tell me how saying...

 

That's for John Lennon you Yankee fucking cunt!

 

A bottle? No don't bother.

 

We're leaving.

 

I don't hit women! I would never hit a woman Chloe!

 

I'd hit a woman who was...

trying to hit me with a bottle!

 

That's different. That's self- defense isn't it?

 

Or a woman who could do karate.

 

I'd never hit a woman generally Chloe.

Don't think that.

 

God you're pretty.

 

I have to make a call.

 

Oh no.

 

You've gone off me now haven't you?

Just because I hit that fucking cow.

 

- Hello? - Where the fuck were you yesterday?

 

We just popped out for some dinner Harry.

We only popped out for half an hour.

 

Yeah? What'd you have?

 

- For dinner? - Yeah.

 

Pizza at Pizza Hut.

 

Was it nice?

 

Yeah it was all right. I don't know.

It was Pizza Hut. The same as in England.

 

Well that's globalization isn't it?

Is Ray there with you?

 

He's in the toilet.

 

- Can he hear? - No.

 

What's he doing?

 

- What do you mean? - Is he doing a wee or a poo?

 

I don't know Harry the door's closed.

 

Send him out on an errand for half an hour

but don't make it sound suspicious.

 

Ray? Why don't you go out down...

to the pub for half an hour?

 

Yeah yeah I know I said you couldn't

 

but might as well enjoy ourselves eh?

 

No I don't know if they've got bowling anywhere.

Could have a look.

 

Yeah see you.

 

Yeah. He's gone.

 

What'd you say to him?

 

I said "Why don't you go have a drink

 

you say you've been cooped up?"

- What did he say? - Said yeah he would.

 

And he might go have a look to

see if there's a bowling alley around.

 

Was he just having a wee?

 

Yeah I think so. I assume so.

 

Sure he didn't mind?

 

No he was glad to get out.

 

He's definitely gone?

 

Yeah yeah he slammed the door.

 

That don't mean he's gone.

Go check outside the door.

 

Harry he's definitely gone.

 

You realize there are no bowling alleys in Bruges?

 

I realize that Harry.

The boy wanted to have a look anyway.

 

What are they gonna have...

a medieval fucking bowling alley?

 

As I say I think...

he was just glad to get out and about.

 

So is he having a nice time...

seeing all the canals and that?

 

I had a lovely time when I was there.

 

All the canals and the old buildings and that.

 

When were you here?

 

When I was seven. Last happy holiday I fucking had.

 

- Have you been on a canal trip yet? - Yeah.

 

Have you been down like all the...

old cobbled streets and that?

 

Yeah.

 

- It's like a fairytale isn't it that place? - Yeah.

 

- With the churches and that.They're Gothic. - Yeah.

 

- Is it Gothic? - Yeah.

 

So he's having a really nice time?

 

Well I'm having a really nice time.

 

I'm not sure if it's really his cup of tea.

 

What?

 

You know I'm not sure if it's really his thing.

 

What do you mean "It's not really his thing"?

 

What's that supposed to mean...

"It's not really his thing"?

 

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

 

Nothing Harry.

 

It's a fairytale fucking town isn't it?

 

How can a fairytale town...

not be somebody's fucking thing?

 

How can all those canals and bridges

and cobbled streets and those churches

all that beautiful fucking fairytale stuff

 

how can that not be somebody's fucking thing eh?

 

What I think I meant to say was...

 

- Is the swan still there? - Yeah the swan's...

 

How can fucking swans not fucking

be somebody's fucking thing eh?

 

How can that be?

 

What I think I meant to say was

 

when he first arrived he wasn't quite sure about it.

 

You know there's that big

dual carriageway when you get off the train?

 

It mightn't have been here...

when you were here last Harry.

 

Well as soon as he got into like the old town proper

 

and he saw the canals and the bridges and

you know the swans and that

well he just fucking loved it then.

 

Couldn't get enough of it the medieval part of town.

 

It was just that initial dual carriageway...

thing sort of put him off for a second.

 

Don't know if I remember a dual carriageway.

 

Must be recent.

 

Hasn't spoilt it has it?

 

No no no it's just that initial thing.

 

And you know what?

 

As we were walking through the streets

 

there was this sort of freezing fog...

hanging over everything

 

and it made it look almost...

like a fairytale or something.

 

And he turned to me do you know what he said?

 

What'd he say?

 

He said "Ken I know I'm awake

but I feel like I'm in a dream."

Yeah? He said that?

 

Yeah.

 

Meaning like in a good dream?

 

Yeah. Of course like in a good dream.

 

Oh good. I'm glad he likes it there.

 

I'm glad we were able to give him something.

 

Something good and happy.

Because he wasn't a bad kid was he?

 

Huh?

 

He wasn't a bad kid was he?

 

Listen take down this address. Raamstraat 17.

 

That's "Raam " like "Ram " but with an extra "a."

 

Raamstraat 17.

 

You got that?

 

Yes Raamstraat 17.

 

Good. There'll be a man there...

tomorrow morning at 9.;00.

His name's Yuri.

 

- Yuri. - He'll give you the gun.

 

Ring me on the public phone at Jimmy Driscoll's

 

about 3.;00 or 4.;00 tomorrow after it's done.

 

After what's done?

 

Are you being thick?

 

- No. - Listen I like Ray.

 

He was a good bloke...

but when it all comes down to it.

You know he blew the head off a little fucking kid.

And you brought him in Ken.

 

So if the buck don't stop...

with him where does it stop?

 

Ken?

 

If the buck don't stop with him where does it stop?

 

It stops with me Harry. That's an easy one.

 

Look don't get shirty Ken.

 

Listen I'm just glad that I was able to do something

for the boy before he went.

 

Do what for the boy?

 

You know have him get to see Bruges.

 

I'd like to go to see Bruges again before I die.

 

What was it he said again about...

Yeah "It's like a dream."

 

"I know I'm awake but I feel like I'm in a dream."

 

Yeah.

 

Give me a call when he's dead.

 

That's my fucking girlfriend you asshole.

 

Eirik what are you doing?

 

Where are you from fucker?

 

Ireland originally.

 

And you think it's okay to come over to Belgium

 

and fuck another man's girl?

 

Look I didn't know she had a boyfriend all right?

 

And I haven't fucked her anyway. Ask her.

I'd only put me hand on it.

Eirik put the gun down!

 

Get down on your knees and open your mouth.

 

Don't start being silly.

 

Get down on your...

 

Exactly at what point was it

that all skinheads suddenly became poofs?

 

Used to be you were a skinhead you just

 

went around beating up Pakistani 12- year- olds.

 

Now it seems a prerequisite to be a fucking bum-boy!

 

That's not gonna help you man.

 

Ray there's only blanks in that gun.

 

Eirik don't!

 

Now who's the fucking bum- boy?

 

You you fucking bum- boy!

 

Chloe what exactly is going on here?

 

I can't see! I can't see!

 

Of course you can't fucking see!

I just shot a blank in your fucking eyes!

 

Is this fella your boyfriend?

No. I mean he used to be.

 

Well what's he doing here?

 

We... We rob tourists sometimes.

 

I fucking knew it was too good to be true!

 

I knew you'd have never shagged me normally.

 

No! That's not true I...

 

I called it off tonight.

I told him not to come tonight.

 

Why did you come tonight?

 

Chloe I can't see I swear it!

 

Stop whingeing like a big gay baby.

 

I haven't had a shag in months!

 

I can't see out of this eye Chloe!

I have to go to the hospital!

 

I'll drive you.

 

Great! Now the whole night's ruined!

 

No!

 

You can stay if you want.

 

I just don't know how long I'll be.

 

I just knew someone like you...

would never like someone like me.

 

- I just knew. - What do you mean someone like me?

 

You know someone nice.

 

Call me. Please.

 

Chloe!

 

Have you got some sort of problem?

 

No no problem.

 

Four beers in 20 minutes. No problem.

 

Fuck off.

 

Beer and a red wine.

 

I'll be back.

 

How's the movie going?

 

It's a jumped- up Eurotrash...

piece of rip- off fucking bullshit.

 

Like in a bad way?

 

Your girlfriend's very pretty.

 

She ain't my girlfriend.

She's a prostitute I just picked up.

 

Didn't know there were any prostitutes in Bruges.

 

You just have to look in the right places.

 

Brothels are good.

 

Well you've picked up a very pretty prostitute.

 

Thank you.

 

You from the States?

 

Yeah.

 

But don't hold it against me.

 

I'll try not to.

 

Just try not to say anything too loud or crass.

 

Hey- ho. Drowning your sorrows huh?

 

What sorrows?

You know being a sad old ugly little man.

 

One gay beer please.

 

How'd your date go?

 

My date involved two instances of extreme violence.

 

One instance of her hand on...

my cock and my finger up her thing

 

which lasted all too briefly.

Isn't that always the way?

One instance of me stealing

five grams of her very- high- quality cocaine

and one instance of me...

blinding a poofy little skinhead.

 

So all in all...

my evening pretty much balanced out fine.

 

You got five grams of coke?

 

I've got four grams on me and one gram in me

 

which is why me heart is going like the clappers

 

as if I'm about to have a heart attack.

 

So if I collapse any minute now

please remember to tell the doctors

 

that it might have something to do with the coke.

 

Give us a gram then.

 

I thought you were laying off...

because it makes you depressed?

 

You know what? Right now I don't really give a fuck.

 

Why didn't you wave hello to me today

when I waved hello to you today?

 

I was on a very strong horse tranquilizer today.

 

I wasn't waving hello to anybody...

except maybe to a horse.

 

Huh? What are you talking about?

 

Just horseshit.

 

You from America?

 

Yeah. But don't hold it against me.

 

Well that's for me to decide isn't it?

 

Are you from America too?

 

No I'm from Amsterdam.

 

Amsterdam.

 

Amsterdam is just a load of...

bloody prostitutes isn't it?

 

Yes. That's why I came to Bruges.

 

I thought I'd get a better price for my pussy here.

 

Huh?

 

You two are weird.

 

Would you like some cocaine?

 

I've also got some acid and some ecstasy.

 

Herve Villechaize I know did.

 

The dwarf off I think The Time Bandits did.

 

Lots of midgets...

 

Dwarves top themselves.

 

Hmm. Shitloads.

 

Would you ever think about it?

 

Huh?

 

Would you ever think about

killing yourself because you're a midget?

 

Fuck man! What kind of question is that?

 

We're just chatting aren't we?

 

See Ken.

This is the kind of hotel...

Harry should have put us in.

 

A five- star with prostitutes in.

 

You know sometimes I think

Harry doesn't even give a shit about us at all.

 

Has he still not called?

 

No. Still hasn't called.

 

No news is good news eh?

 

Who's she?

 

There's gonna be a war man.

 

I can see it.

 

There's gonna be a war between the blacks

and between the whites.

 

You ain't even gonna need a uniform no more.

 

This ain't gonna be a war where you pick your side.

 

Your side's already picked for you.

 

And I know whose side I'm fighting on.

I'm fighting with the blacks.

The whites are gonna get their heads kicked in!

 

You don't decide this shit man.

 

Well who are the half- castes gonna fight with?

 

The blacks man. That's obvious.

 

But what about the Pakistanis?

 

- The blacks. - What about...

 

Think of a hard one.

 

What about the Vietnamese?

 

The blacks!

 

Well I'm definitely fighting with the blacks

if they've got the Vietnamese.

 

So hang on.

 

Would all of the white midgets...

in the world be fighting

 

against all the black midgets in the world?

 

Yeah.

 

That would make a good film!

 

You don't know how much shit

I've had to take off of black midgets man.

 

That's...

 

Undeniably true.

 

See Jimmy

 

my wife was black.

 

And I loved her very much.

 

And in 1976 she was murdered by a white man. So...

 

Where the fuck am I supposed

to stand in all this blood and carnage?

 

Did they get the guy who did it?

 

A friend of mine got him.

 

Harry Waters got him.

 

So tell me Jim

whose side do I fight on in this wonderful war?

 

I think you need to weigh up all your options

 

and let your conscience decide Ken.

 

Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf.

 

I think I'm heading home.

 

Yeah. I think I'll come with you.

 

- What's... - Back off shorty!

 

You don't know karate.

 

Don't say you didn't have it coming.

 

Shortarse!

 

Meeting Yuri.

 

Yes I'm Yuri.

 

Mr. Waters said that might be necessary.

 

There are a lot of alcoves...

in the Koningin Astrid Park.

 

You use this word "alcoves"?

 

"Alcoves"? Yes. Sometimes.

 

There are not many people

around in these alcoves in Christmastime.

 

If I were to murder a man I would murder him here.

 

Are you sure this is the right word "alcoves"?

 

"Alcoves " yes.

It's kind of like "nooks and crannies."

 

"Nooks and crannies " yes.

Perhaps this would be more accurate.

 

"Nooks and crannies " rather than "alcoves." Yeah.

 

You are going to do it aren't you?

Mr. Waters will be very disappointed...

 

Of course I'm going to fucking do it.

 

It's what I do.

 

Your friend was behaving rather oddly this morning.

 

Oddly? How?

 

Well he asked me about the baby

and if I wanted a boy or a girl.

 

I said I didn't mind as long as...

it's healthy of course.

 

But then he gave me 200 euros to give to the baby.

 

I refused obviously but he was quite insistent.

 

Would you give it back to him when you see him?

 

I don't want to appear ungrateful

but it seemed like all the money he had.

 

Do you know where he is now?

He said he was going to the park.

 

Sorry Ray.

 

I'm sorry.

 

Ray don't!

 

Fucking hell! Where the fuck did you come from?

 

I was behind the thing.

What the fuck are you doing Ray?

 

What the fuck are you doing?

 

Nothing.

 

Oh my God!

 

- You were gonna kill me. - No I wasn't.

 

- You were gonna kill yourself! - What?

 

I'm allowed to.

 

No you're not!

 

What?

 

I'm not allowed to and you are? How's that fair?

 

Can we go somewhere and talk about this please?

 

I wasn't gonna go through with it Ray.

 

You fucking looked like you were...

gonna go fucking through with it.

 

Where'd you get that gun?

 

A friend of Harry's.

 

Fuck man.

 

Let me see it.

 

Silencer too.

 

Nice.

 

Mine's a bloody girl's gun.

 

- I'm keeping it. - Pardon me?

 

- Give me me gun back. - You're not getting it back.

 

You're a suicide case.

 

And you were trying to shoot me in the fucking head.

 

You're not getting that gun back.

 

A great day this has turned out to be.

 

I'm suicidal me mate tries to kill me

 

me gun gets nicked and...

we're still in fucking Bruges.

 

Listen I'm gonna give you some money

and put you on a train somewhere.

Back to England?

 

You can't go back to England Ray.

You'd be a dead man!

 

I want to be a dead man.

 

Have you been missing something?

 

You don't want to be a dead man Ray.

 

I killed a little boy!

 

Then save the next little boy.

 

Just go away somewhere

 

get out of this business...

and try to do something good.

 

You're not gonna help anybody dead.

 

You're not gonna bring that boy back.

 

But you might save the next one.

 

What am I gonna be a doctor?

 

You need exams.

 

Do anything Ray. Do anything.

 

Dear ken,i went to the park

so she wouldn't have to clean it up,Ray

 

What a wanker!

 

He said this whole trip

 

this whole being in Bruges thing

 

was just to give you one last...

joyful memory before you died.

 

In Bruges?

 

The Bahamas maybe.

 

Why fucking Bruges?

 

I suppose it's cheaper.

 

The rest of the acid and the ecstasy.

 

Can I have me gun back please?

 

What am I gonna do Ken?

 

- What am I gonna do? - Just keep moving.

 

Keep on moving.

 

Try not to think about it.

 

Learn a new language maybe?

 

Sure I can hardly do English.

 

That's one thing I like about Europe though.

 

You don't have to learn any of their languages.

 

Just forget about home for a while.

 

See how the land lies in six years seven years.

 

Seven years is not that long.

 

It's longer than that boy got.

 

Me first fucking job.

 

Great hitman I turned out to be.

 

Some people just aren't cut out for it Ray.

 

Are you?

 

When are you going back to England?

 

I'll head back in a couple of hours or something.

 

Harry's not gonna be mad at you is he?

For letting me go?

 

I'll sort out Harry.

 

Just tell him I'll have probably killed meself

in a fortnight anyway.

 

You won't will you Ray?

 

Harry? It's Ken.

 

Listen to this noise.

 

Do you know what that is?

 

Yeah I know you know it's a train.

Do you know what train?

 

Well it's a train that Ray just got on

and he's alive and he's well and

he doesn't know where he's going and neither do I.

 

So if you need to do your worst do your worst.

 

You've got the address of the hotel.

I'll be here waiting.

 

Because I've got to quite like Bruges now.

 

It's like a fucking fairytale or something.

 

Harry.

 

Harry!

 

What?

 

It's an inanimate fucking object.

 

You're an inanimate fucking object!

 

Now you lot be good for your mummy and lmamoto okay?

 

'Cause Daddy's got to go away for a few days.

 

Where are you going?

 

I've got to go to Bruges.

 

Bruges? Where's that?

It's in Belgium.

 

Why would anybody have to go to Belgium?

 

'Cause I've got to sort something out.

 

Is it something to do with the phone?

 

It's something to do with Ken.

 

It's a matter of honor.

 

Well it ain't gonna be dangerous is it?

 

Well of course it's gonna be dangerous

if it's a matter of fucking honor!

You are bringing the fellas with you?

 

Tell me you're bringing the fellas with you.

 

Harry.

 

I'm sorry for calling you an inanimate object.

 

I was upset.

 

- You're Irish? - Yes.

 

What is your name?

 

Derek Perlurrl.

 

You hit the Canadian.

 

You hit the Canadian.

 

I "heet" the Canadian?

I don't know what you're talking about.

 

That's him! That's the motherfucker.

 

You hit the Canadian yeah?

 

Canadian? Shit.

 

- We're taking you back to Bruges. - Brilliant.

 

Aye aye.

 

Take your pick Mr. Waters.

 

An Uzi?

 

I'm not from South Central Los fucking Angeles.

 

I didn't come here to shoot

20 black 10- year- olds in a fucking drive- by.

 

I want a normal gun for a normal person.

 

I knew he wouldn't kill the guy.

 

I could see it in his eyes

when I was telling him about the alcoves.

 

- About the what? - The alcoves.

 

The alcoves in the Koningin Astrid Park.

 

Oh I also have some dumdums.

 

You use this word "dumdums"?

The bullets that make the head explode?

Dumdums yeah.

 

Would you like some of these dumdums?

 

I know I shouldn't

 

but I will.

 

Motherfucker.

 

Is he talking to me?

 

No Eirik's on your side Mr. Waters.

 

Your young friend blinded him last night.

 

Ray did?

 

I was trying to rob him and he took my gun from me.

 

And the gun was full of blanks

 

and he shot the blank into my eye.

 

And now I cannot see from this eye ever again

the doctors say.

 

Well to be honest it...

sounds like it was all your fault.

 

What?

 

I mean basically if you're robbing a man

and you're only carrying blanks

and you allow your gun to be taken off you

 

and you allow yourself to be...

shot in the eye with a blank

 

for which I assume the person has...

to get quite close to you then

 

yeah really it's all your fault...

for being such a poof.

 

So why don't you stop whingeing...

and cheer the fuck up?

 

Eirik I really wouldn't respond.

 

I thought you wanted the guy dead?

 

I do want the guy dead.

I want him fucking crucified.

 

But it don't change the fact that he stitched you up

like a blind little gay boy. Does it?

 

Thanks for the gun Yuri.

 

Well?

 

The boy is suicidal Harry.

 

He's a walking dead man.

 

Keeps going on about Hell and purgatory...

 

When I phoned you yesterday did I ask you

 

"Ken will you do me a favor

and become Ray's psychiatrist please?"

No. What I think I asked you was

"Could you go blow his fucking head off for me?"

 

"He's suicidal"?

 

I'm suicidal. You're suicidal.

Everybody's fucking suicidal!

 

We don't all keep going on about it!

 

Has he killed himself yet?

No. So he's not fucking suicidal is he?

 

He put a loaded gun to his head this morning.

I stopped him. He... What?

This gets fucking worse!

 

We were down in the park...

 

Let me get this right. You were down in the park?

 

What's that got to do with fucking anything?

 

Let me get this right.

Not only have you refused to kill the boy

you've even stopped the boy from killing himself

 

which would have solved my problem

 

which would have solved your problem

 

which sounds like it would've...

solved the boy's problem.

 

It wouldn't have solved his problem.

 

Ken if I had killed a little kid...

accidentally or otherwise

 

I wouldn't have thought twice.

 

I'd have killed myself on the fucking spot.

On the fucking spot.

I'd have stuck the gun...

in me mouth on the fucking spot!

 

That's you Harry.

The boy has the capacity to change.

 

The boy has the capacity to...

do something decent with his life.

 

Excuse me Ken. I have the capacity to change.

 

Yeah you do.

You've the capacity to get fucking worse!

 

Yeah now I'm getting down to it!

 

Harry let's face it.

 

And I'm not being funny I mean no disrespect

 

but you're a cunt.

 

You're a cunt now you've always been a cunt.

 

And the only thing that's gonna change

is you're gonna become an even bigger cunt.

Maybe have some more cunt kids.

 

Leave my kids fucking out of it.

What have they done?

You fucking retract that...

bit about my cunt fucking kids!

 

I retract that bit about your cunt fucking kids.

 

Insulting my fucking kids!

That's going overboard mate!

 

I retracted it didn't I?

 

Still leaves you being a cunt.

 

Yeah I fucking got that.

 

Where's Ray now?

 

Oh right about now Ray is in one or other

 

of the one million towns in mainland Europe

it's possible to be in other than here.

 

I'll get all the money back to you

soon as I get through to me friend.

 

It's not a problem Raymond.

 

And I'll get all your acid...

and your ecstasy back to you too.

 

English humor!

 

I'm assuming you've got your gun on you.

 

That Yuri bloke's a funny fella isn't he?

 

He does yoga.

 

"The alcoves."

 

Was he going on to you about the alcoves?

 

"The alcoves in the Koningin Astrid Park."

 

Harry I know you gotta do what you gotta do.

 

It's a bit crowded round here you know?

 

Well I'm not gonna have a shootout

 

in the middle of a thousand fucking Belgians am I?

 

Not to mention the other nationalities

- just on their holidays. - Hmm.

 

To see the swans and the Gothic

and all the fairytale stuff eh?

Are you trying to fucking wind me up?

 

No Harry.

On top of calling me a cunt...

and calling me kids cunts.

 

I might just have to fucking shoot you right here.

 

Christ!

 

Let's go up the bell tower.

 

Be quiet up there this time of evening.

 

Let's go up there.

 

Yeah. Canadians.

 

I feel a bit bad.

They didn't kill John Lennon did they?

 

Anyway supposed to turn up...

to court here in two days.

 

- Are you going to turn up? - Don't know.

 

What have I got to stay for really?

 

The most beautiful woman

 

you've ever seen

 

in all of your stupid life.

 

The tower is closed this evening.

 

No way. It's supposed to be open till 7:00.

 

The tower is usually open until 7:00.

 

Yesterday an American had...

a heart attack up the tower.

 

Today the tower is closed.

 

Here cranky here's 100 for you.

We're only gonna be 20 minutes.

 

The tower is closed this evening.

 

Understand Englishman?

 

Jimmy I've been wanting to say I'm really sorry

 

for karate- chopping you the other night.

 

That was way out of order.

 

You know Ray

I'd find it easier to believe...

and forgive you somehow...

 

if the two of you weren't laughing straight

in my fucking face!

 

It's for the goddamn movie man.

 

It is a nice town Harry.

 

I'm glad I got to see it.

 

I didn't mean to be taking the piss out of it

being a fairytale place.

 

It is a fairytale place.

 

- It really is. - Hmm.

 

It's just a shame it's in Belgium really.

 

But then you figure if it wasn't in Belgium

if it was somewhere good

 

there'd be too many people coming to see it.

It would spoil the whole thing.

 

Well I'm glad I got to see it

 

before I died.

 

What are you doing?

 

What are you fucking doing?

 

I'm not fighting anymore Harry.

 

All right then I'm blowing your fucking head off.

 

Don't come over all Gandhi.

What are you fucking doing?

 

Ken stop messing about please.

 

Pick up your gun.

I know I'm going to beat you anyway

 

- 'cause you're a spaz but... - Harry

 

I'm totally in your debt.

 

The things that have gone between us in the past

 

I love you unreservedly for all that.

 

What?

 

For your integrity.

 

For your honor.

 

I love you.

 

The boy had to be let go.

 

The boy had to be given a chance.

 

And if to do that I had to say

"Fuck you and fuck what I owe you

 

"and fuck everything that's gone on between us "

then that's what I had to do.

 

But I'm not fighting you.

 

And I accept totally everything you've got to do.

 

I accept it. Totally.

 

Oh yeah?

 

Yeah.

 

Well you say all that fucking stuff

I can't fucking shoot you now can I?

 

It's entirely up to you Harry.

 

It's entirely your call.

 

All I'm saying is I'm not fighting.

 

Oh you fucking cunt!

 

Look I'm not gonna do nothing to you

 

just 'cause you're standing about...

like Robert fucking Powell.

 

- Like who? - Like Robert fucking Powell

 

out of Jesus of fucking Nazareth!

 

My fucking leg!

 

The psycho dwarf turns out to

just be a loveable little schoolboy

and it's all some kind of Boschian nightmare.

 

Kiss my ass!

 

I guess at least

there weren't any black people involved eh Jimmy?

 

I wasn't...

 

I wasn't talking about...

 

There's gonna be a war

between all the blacks and all the whites.

 

And all the black midgets and all the white midgets

 

which would actually be really good.

 

That's just cocaine.

 

He didn't even want the Vietnamese on his side!

 

That's just cocaine.

 

Listen we're filming down...

by the pointy building tonight.

 

It might actually be good for once.

 

You guys should come along.

 

We...

I think we're just gonna...

have a quiet one tonight Jimmy.

 

That's how it is!

 

In another life.

 

They're great aren't they?

 

You didn't. You didn't!

 

Mr. Waters? Mr. Waters?

 

Who's that? It's Eirik.

 

- The blind boy? - Yeah.

 

Yes.

 

What do you fucking want?

 

The guy you're looking for

 

the guy Ray he's downstairs at the bar.

 

I'm sorry Ken.

 

But you can't kill a kid...

and expect to get away with it.

 

You just can't.

 

- Where? - To the left when you come out.

 

The bar to the left.

 

Ken!

 

Ken! Ken!

 

Harry's here.

 

What?

 

Take

 

my gun.

 

Ken?

 

Where's my gun?

 

Where's my gun?

 

I'm gonna die now I think.

 

Oh Ken!

 

Jesus!

 

Put that gun away right now!

 

Mr. Blakely said you had left.

 

I need the key to the room right now.

 

Quickly now!

 

And you gotta go home right now.

It's very very dangerous here.

 

- All right? Go home! Right now! - Okay.

 

No I won't let you up there!

 

Lady get out of my fucking way please.

 

No I won't. I won't get out of your way.

 

You'll have to go through me.

 

Well obviously I'm not gonna through you am I

with a baby and that? I'm a nice person.

 

But could you just get...

out of the fucking way please?

 

Marie!

 

Just let him come up it's okay.

 

Harry swear not to start shooting...

until she's left the hotel.

 

I swear not to start shooting...

till she's left the hotel.

I totally swear.

Well I'm not going anywhere.

 

This is my hotel.

 

So you can fuck off!

 

- I suppose you've got a gun up there? - Yeah.

 

Then what are we gonna do?

We can't stand here all night.

 

Why don't you both put your guns down and go home?

 

Don't be stupid. This is the shootout.

 

- Harry I've got an idea. - What?

 

My room faces onto the canal right?

 

I'm gonna go back to me room jump into the canal

 

see if I can swim to the other side and escape.

 

- Right. - If you go outside and round the corner

 

you can shoot at me from there and try and get me.

 

That way we leave this lady and her baby

out of the whole entire thing.

 

Do you completely promise to jump into the canal?

 

I don't wantto run out there come back in 10 minutes

 

and find you fucking hiding in a cupboard.

 

I completely promise Harry.

 

I'm not gonna risk having...

another little kid die am I?

 

So hang on I go outside

then I go which way right or left?

 

You go right don't you?

 

You can see it from the doorway!

It's a big fucking canal!

 

All right. Jesus! I've only just got here haven't I?

 

Okay. On a count of "one two three go " okay?

 

Okay.

 

What? Who says it?

 

Oh you say it.

 

You guys are crazy.

 

- Are you ready? - Ready.

 

- Set? - Set.

 

One two three go!

 

Keep driving!

 

No way. You're way too far away.

 

The little boy.

 

That's right Ray.

 

The little boy.

 

Oh.

 

I see.

 

No Harry.

 

He's not...

 

You've got to stick to your principles.

 

There's a Christmas tree somewhere in London

 

with a bunch of presents underneath it

that'll never be opened.

 

And I thought "If I survive all this

"I'll go to that house apologize to the mother there

 

"and accept whatever punishment she chose for me."

 

Prison death it didn't matter.

 

Because at least in prison...

and at least in death you know

 

I wouldn't be in fucking Bruges.

 

But then like a flash it came to me and I realized

 

"Fuck man maybe that's what Hell is.

 

"The entire restof eternity spentin fucking Bruges!"

 

And I really really hoped I wouldn't die.

 

I really really hoped I wouldn't die.